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The Unbelievably True Story of Hairy Peter, Chairman of the Fed (A Choose Your Own Misery Adventure) by James Taylor
Characters in this story are loosely disguised imitations of real people.
All activities portrayed herein are truly slanderous and this author invites
any individual who feels so inclined to sue him for liable. This article is
intentionally written at the level of a third grader to abide by current
standards of reportage commonly found in most media outlets.
Chapter I After the completion of his dissertation, "On the Nature and Causes of the Creation of Wealth from Thin Air" at a secretive university for would-be mages, located in sunny Chicago, Hairy Peter is suddenly elected Chairman of the Federal Reserve and granted, by the grace of the Gods, the most powerful governmental position on the planet. That is, his position is only rivaled by that of the U.S. President Slick Bill "Willy" GATTes, a vile villain that uses his influence and friends to seduce Cigar Aficionados and call elections for the creation of baseball stadiums in every city where he conducts Pagan like rituals that involve mindless Poles wearing brown shirts and pointing their arms into the sky. The former Chairman, Al Greenspend, was kidnapped on a visit to Dagastan by Russian troops, who traded him to Oaxican rebels fighting for the secession of Siberia from the Russian Federation in exchange for four crates of quality vodka and a picture of British Prime Minister Tony Bare in his g-string undies (see chapter 16 for a full account of the Oaxican’s claim to the territory from which their ancestors migrated to southern Mexico). The new Chairman is overcome with feelings of power at the realization that his every move is observed and interpreted to no end by wily speculators that have followed his studies and are always seeking new ways to make a buck appear "out of thin air." As his first act of economic policy Chairman Potter (I mean Peter):
A. Flies to Seattle on a broomstick to calm disturbances over the role of the W.O.W. (World of Wankers; that’s British for one who spends too much time in the bathroom) in international economic policy.
If you choose "A" please read chapter II |
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